Something Real by Jessica Roe

Author:Jessica Roe [Roe, Jessica]
Language: eng
Format: epub
Published: 2015-05-30T04:00:00+00:00

Days without Reid pass by in an unforgiving humdrum of heartache, self-loathing and emptiness. Days without Reid, I've discovered, mean nothing. Just nothing. It's as simple as that.

We don't text, we don't call, we don't see each other, not even accidentally. It's like he's completely vanished, like he was never really in my life to begin with. I spend a stupid amount of time scrolling through selfies of the two of us on my phone, reminding myself that he was real, that he wasn't a dream I imagined up for myself because my life was so dull and void of color before. I bring up his number at least two dozen times a day, my thumb hovering indecisively over the call button until I chicken out every single time. I should probably just delete it, delete the number and delete the photos, delete the temptation. But I won't. I know I won't.

I miss him more than I've ever missed anyone, more than I've ever missed anything. I miss him more than I missed my parents when I first came away to college. I miss him more than my gigantic closet full of designer clothes back home. I miss him more than my friends from high school. I miss him more than my unlimited access to Daddy's credit card.

Feeling this way is just miserable. Mostly I mope, which pisses Dahlia and Blair off because apparently they don't have the capacity for sympathy in their puny little brains.

“You know what you need to do, right?” Dahlia asks me. I don't, but I have a feeling she'll tell me anyway. “You need to get off your fat ass and go boink the crap outta that boy before your vagina shrivels up and drops off.” She yanks a brush through my hair as she talks. It's been three days since I last brushed it and she said she was sick of looking at my ugly head. And that was her being nice.

She's right though, I should probably start making an effort again. The girls at college who used to hate me are now looking like they want to adopt and initiate me into their little world of ironic loafers. That's probably the saddest thing about my whole situation. Actually, the saddest thing was the other day when I looked longingly at their gross loafers and briefly thought a pair might be kind of nice, way more comfortable than my heels.

It was definitely a low point.

Blair is slightly less mean than Dahlia. She says it's because she's my sister so she has to be nice, but really I think it's because she knows what it feels like to be without the man she loves.

Not that I love Reid. That's not what I'm saying.

It's not.

But Blair would never admit that's the reason, because that would also mean admitting she has girly emotions and she is not a girly emotion kind of gal.

She throws a spring roll and it bounces off Dahlia's forehead, dropping to the floor and rolling under my dorm room bed.

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